A lot of people operate on an axis between anxiety and confidence. I’m not really the type who gets unconfident or “needs to be confident”, but I do have an axis that I use as a self-diagnostic. It is the axis between purposefulness and meaninglessness.

Things that give me purpose

• God
• Relationships with other people, ecspecially unique people
• Technical Projects

The prerequisite to feeling purposeful is good physical health.

CONVERSELY,

Things that make life feel meaningless

• Poor physical health
• Undersocialization
• Lack of overarching, long term goal

About the lack of an overarching goal #

I think that sometimes I can be less happy than others because our shared, overarching, long term goal doesn’t satisfy me as much as it satisfies them.

The purpose of a system is what it does.

If the majority of students in undergrad are spending most of their time on socializing or partying, then the purpose of undergrad is to socialize and party.

Then #

I have a greater purpose. I will be freed in a year and a half. Until that day, I’ll exist within this bubble. There’s enough competition here to entertain me, even if it’s not the kind of competition I wanted.

I trust in causality. Everything that happens was meant to happen. Every moment is beautiful and final.

If it’s just vibes, so what?